My sweet cousin, Jessie...

There is this girl, her name is Jessie, and she is a beautiful angel in heaven.

She was a daughter, sister, grand daughter, cousin, friend, and soon to be mommy.

She passed away almost 3 years ago, on March 14th.

She was my sweet, smiling, "hugger" cousin.

I miss her alot.

She was such a good big sister to her 3 little sister's, Annie, Harlie, and Gracie. She was the "rock" for her family.

We all miss her.

She was on her way to her first OB appointment with her boyfriend, and had just found out she was 11 weeks pregnant. She was also going to go visit with her sister's..

He said that morning she danced around the apartment singing "I get to go see my sister's today, I get to go see my sister's".....

She never made it to the appt or to see her sister's.

The weather wasn't the greatest that day, as there was some freezing rain coming down. From what we know, they were driving along on the highway, when they crossed a small bridge, and hit some ice. The truck ran off the road and down a small embankment.

For reasons we will never know, Jessie did not have her seatbelt on. She usually wears her seatbelt. Why in the world, with the weather being bad, did she not this time?

Jessie was thrown from the truck was unconscious. She was rushed to the nearest trauma hospital.

I'll never forget getting the phone call.

I was at the bridal shop, trying on what would end up being my wedding dress.

My Mom said "Jessie has been in an accident, and she is in critical condition". I immediately gathered my stuff, and went up to the hospital.

There she lie. Looking as pretty as ever, like she was asleep. She was not breathing on her own, but other than that, she had not a scratch on her.

I hugged her Mom and Dad, and we prayed that everything would be ok.

Well, it was not. After 1 week of practically living up in the hospital waiting room, the doctors told us it was time. Time to say good-bye.

We were not ready. I was not ready.

I questioned the doctors over and over. I wanted more test ran. They assured me that they had done everything possible.

I had to accept that she was going to die. She was brain dead.

We all went in, one by one and held her hand.

When it was my turn, I held her hand, and talked to her.

I asked her to please squeeze my hand. Please Jessie, wake up!!

She did not move. I said it louder. "Jessie, this is your last chance, please show me a sign of life".

Still no response. I cried.

Was I really going to have to let her go?

How would her sister's get along without her?

How would her Mom and Dad get along without her?

She was one of many many cousins, who are all more like brothers and sisters. She had just started hanging out with all the older ones.

Was this really happening? She was only 22 years old, and pregnant. Just starting her life.

Gracie, her youngest sister was only 8, but was very close with Jess. How would Gracie handle it?

WHY WHY WHY??? The emotions and questions wouldnt stop.

Our family helped hold each other up.

We knew that it was her time.

For whatever reason, God wanted her back. So, we said our good-byes....

We will never forget our sweet little Jessica JoAnn..and her unborn son, Max.

We love you Jessie!!!!!! We miss you and will never forget you!

She is mobile!!

Hallie started crawling yesterday!

Big bro, Jbird had taken her in the living room on her play mat, while I was in the kitchen (just feet away)..He said, "Mom, Hallie just crawled"!!

I told him to get it on video. (will post soon)

She has been able to move about for a few weeks now, and has been rocking on her hands and knees for a few weeks also.

Yesterday she figured out how to actually pick up her hands, in coordination with her legs..she was so proud! She smiled as we cheered her on!!

Daddy came in shortly after, and she showed him what she could do. We were all very impressed.

She still isn't very fast at all, but thats to be expected.

Right now, she is downstairs with Daddy making Jbird a grilled cheese.

She loves her walker on the kitchen hard woods, and can go really fast!

When she hears us say "Oki, wanna go potty"?, she rushes as fast as she can over to the back door. Its the funniest thing.

Her arms are thrown up in the air, and her feet are moving as fast as possible.

Its amazing how fast she is growing up! Kind of makes me sad, but I know its inevitable, but reminds me of the time that has past.

Jbird went with his Dad to the old house (our other home) and rode his 4 wheeler today.

He got all dressed in his warmest winter gear, and was ready to go ride. They both said it was alot of fun.

Well, time for me to go take a shower for the day..Im leaving the kids with Dad tonight for a few hours.

I now he will do fine, but Im a little concerned about Sugar Bear. She loves her Mama, and always wants me to fall asleep.

Im going to put her down for a nap around 4:00 and hope that she sleeps for a good 2 hours.

Then, she will play with Daddy and big bro for a couple hours, until I get home.

Im not planning on being gone long, but Im excited to get out for my good friend, Lauren's,  bachelorette party...

Mommy and me yoga class

I just got back from a wonderful afternoon spent with my baby.

We got up this morning, and off we went to our very first Mommy and baby Yoga class.

I didnt really know what to expect, considering I've never been before, and only taken yoga a few times. It was a great experience!

The instructor is a mother of 4 kids, and was very welcoming. I brought my own yoga mat, and she provided each of us mothers a nice folded blanket for baby.

Hallie was the oldest in the class...no wait, I take that back, there was a 10 month old boy..There was a 3 week old, 6 week old, and a few 5-6 month old baby's.

We all went around and told our name, our baby's name, and a little about ourselves.  I told about how Hallie is adopted, and gave a brief recap of her adoption story. (see my blog entry titled "our adoption story")

The ladies were amazed and thought it was a really heart warming story. I also told them Im a big believer in breast feeding, and how I induced lactation. Again, amazed.

Hallie was all smiles the whole time:) She loved it!

The class was very unstructured, which made it fun and easy considering we had a baby in our arms the whole time.

I tell ya what, I hadn't worked out in a long time, and I was feelin' the burn!

Hallie just laughed and cooed at me and the other mom's. She was very interested in the other babies also.

After the class ended, some of the girls came up to Hallie and I and chatted.

One girl had her 6 month old, who Hallie was admiring the whole time. She kept trying to take the little girl's binky out of her mouth. (like she even knows what to do with one of those)

The mom, I cant remember her name, asked me what the benefits of breast feeding after 6 months were. She said her Dr had acted to her like there was really no benefit, and said it was really only important to do it for 6 months. (booooo..)

Since she was asking my opinion, I openly gave it to her.

I recommended she nurse for atleast 1 year, and explained why. She seemed happy to hear my thoughts, and said her gut tells her she should keep nursing.

If more Mommy's would go with their gut instincts, we all have one, I think things would be alot better.

Just because a Dr says one thing doesn't mean it's the best way for YOUR baby...listen to that inner voice, ladies!!

We will definitely go back to mommy and me yoga!!

TV, Food, and Video games..but not in that order

Tonight, is a special night..We are all sleeping in the same room!

Jalen (our 11 year old) asks randomly if he can sleep on our couch, and tonight was one of those nights. I love that he wants to be close to us.

Sometimes I feel bad because Dad, baby and I are all in the same bed, and J-bird is off in his room all alone. Although he does have Oki, the family doggie in there with him..

He likes his room (its pretty cool), but sometimes it nice to all sleep together. It makes us feel close.

So, as my family all lay asleep, I am deciding to write. I haven't in a while, and there are so many things I constantly think of that I want to tell about.

We recently watched a documentary called Food Matters. It was very informative and eye-opening. If you haven't seen it, I would recommend watching it.

With that being said, we have really changed our food habits around here.

Joe, in the past, used to drink lots of soda pop, energy drinks, candy, etc, ...I was pretty bad too.

I mean, we both are aware of what is healthy and not healthy, but its just really hard to make those lifestyle changes and stick to it.

I go through spurts where I workout, and watch what I eat. Then I get off track and go wild on the food rollercoaster. I feel SO much better when I am eating healthy, and Im happy to say that we have been doing just that!

We believe that a plant based diet is the way to go. So, we went out and bought a juicer, and we have stopped eating anything with preservatives. We both feel really good.

He is kind of an extremist, meaning he takes things to the extreme when he set his mind to something. Well, he is really taking this bull by the horns.

I am so proud of him for trying to change his eating, because in turn it helps me make better food choices, and we are modeling good food choices for our kids.

We have never been the kind of family who eats fast food very much at all. And I can honestly say, I cant remember the last time I ate it. Its disgusting!!!!! The mechanically separated meat is just horrifying!!! Google it if you dont know what it is.

And we are definitely buying all organic. Yes, it is more expensive, but in our eyes, totally worth it!

We believe the pesticides that are sprayed on conventional food is causing lots of disease and cancer, and we want to try and prevent that from happening to us and our children.

Over the past year, we have slowly made that transition. It taste so much better, and knowing Im not eating chemicals with my apple, feels really good.

We will see how it goes with the new raw/vegan diet. Joe is being really strict about it, where as I am still eating meats, but I make sure its "good" meat. Only organic, clean meats.

We are informing J-bird of these healthier habits, but we are not forcing anything on him.

Here is a picture of Joe's first batch of vegetable juice. It tasted yummy!! No, really, it did:)

Another thing I want to talk about is TV..

We used to watch alot of it.

I like the stupid reality tv shows, and entertainment news. Totally mindless stuff.

Since little Hallie Rose has come along, we have found that our tv hardly ever gets turned on.

We dont want her being exposed to all the stimulation that it provides, and we feel it is in her best interest not to watch it.

Not cartoons, nor the news, not even educational cartoons. We feel she is way to young and her brain is not developed enough to handle all the lights and movements.

She is a sponge and is absorbing everything she sees and hears.

If and when the tv is on, and she is around, she cannot take her eyes off of it. So, we turn it off.

We do however like the toddler music channel, and she loves it!

Im not saying she will never watch cartoons, because I assume she will, but for now, its off.

We monitor what Jalen watches also. I learned early on, that his behavior is tremendously effected by what he watched on tv.

We only allow him to watch certain channels, such as Discovery, History, Animal Planet, and sometimes Disney.

He is not allowed to play violent video games either. (gasp, oh my!)

With the world we live in today, do our children really need anything extra~ like a shooting/killing game to help them harbor anger or twist their minds? Ummm.. I think not!!

He is very respectful of our wishes, and always asks before watching tv.

Thats not to say he has never played a violent video game, or watched ALOT of tv, he used to in the past.

We occasionally let him watch something he's not supposed to, and he is a huge movie buff, so we take him to the movies alot.

It seems like kids these days don't want to get out and be active like they used to.

We encourage him to go skateboard, ride his bike, or do other things.

It may sound as if we are really strict, but in reality we are not...atleast I dont think we are:)

On another note...Tomorrow Im going to a Mommy/baby yoga class..Im excited!!

She can sit!!!

Saturday January 22, 2010

This post is back dated..Just one day after turning 6 months old, our little Sugar Bear all of the sudden decided to start sitting up! 

Joe and I had dropped Jalen and Hallie off at my parents for a couple hours, while we went and ate Hereford House. No special occasion, just us spending some quiet Mommy and Daddy time together. 

I feel so blessed that we have my parents who will watch our kids with open arms, anytime we need them. 

We dont like to leave Hallie with just anyone, and not very much at all. We feel like she is our baby, and we should be the one's to take care of her. 

If we do decide we need some alone time, we will only leave her if we know she has had a good nap, and only for an hour or two. 

Some people may not agree with this, and that is perfectly fine. But we feel it is our job as parents to make her world as cushy, loved, and secure as possible at all times. That place is with us!..

That being said, Hallie did pretty well. She started to get fussy towards the end, probably wondering where we were. 

Luckily, her big bro Jalen was there with her. He is her comfort when we are not around. 

We have only left her a couple of times, and each time he was with her, and towards the end he was the only one she wanted to hold her. 

I think thats pretty special, and I bet it makes Jalen feel good also. 

She really loves her bro bro alot, and is starting to notice him alot more. I will ask, "where is brother", or "where is Jalen", and she will look around. 

Its really cute. 

As usual, we kind of rushed through dinner because we dont like to leave her for very long, and we know she will only be ok with it for a short period.  

When we got back to my parents, we hung out in my Mom and Dad's room for a while. 

Hallie was all smiles, and decided at that moment, that she was ready to sit up all by herself! She was really doing it~without falling over!..

So, of course we pulled out our phone right away, and got it on record.

 Its so cool these days that not only can we take pictures of her within a few seconds, we can capture her milestones on video also!! 

She is growing so fast, and is a very happy, healthy girl. She smiles and laughes alot. 

I've noticed her Daddy can make her laugh like no one else. She will crack up at him playing peek-a-boo:) She loves him alot, and he is so in love with her. 

Hallie has brought so much joy to our lives! She has shown us all how to love harder, and that even though she is adopted, it makes absolutely NO difference. 

Jalen is the best big brother ever, and the best son I could ever ask for!! 

Valentine's Day 2011

Today was a great day!

Valentine's Day 2011...started off with Joe getting up at 6:45 with Jalen, taking him to school at 7:30, and then taking care of Hallie when she woke up at 7:40.

I slept in until about 8:45, when Joe had to leave for school.

When I got up, I went downstairs, and saw 2 dozen roses from my hubby sitting on the kitchen counter. Along with it was the sweetest card ever.

He blew up some red and pink balloons also.

Hallie and I played around all morning. I then put her in her in a cute red dress with white hearts, and a headband with a red flower. I took some pictures of her and had prints made for Daddy.

Grandma Debi came over in the afternoon, and we chatted for a long time. Hallie was asleep, but got woke up to our dog barking.

Then Jalen called and wanted a ride home from school. He usually walks, but for whatever reason he didnt want to today.

So, Debi went and picked him up. When they got back, she gave Jalen and Hallie some things she had bought them at Nordstroms. That's her "go to" department store. Their stuff is pricey, but good quality.

Jalen was excited to get a new pair pf PJ's, and outfit, and Hallie got a few really cute outfits.

When Joe finally got home, he stayed home with the kids while I ran a couple of errands.

I went to pick up some milk from a girl about 15 minutes from my house.

After that I went and got Hallie, and we made a trip to Whole Foods for some Valentine's Day dinner items.

Rotisserie chicken, chicken tortilla soup, salad, and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert.

We all sat at the dining room table(which doesnt happen very often), and enjoyed a candlelit dinner. Hallie played in her highchair, while we enjoyed our meal.

We drank apple juice and water out of wine glasses, and talked about our day.

It was really nice. We always eat as a family, just not usually at the big dining room table. We are usually at the bar in the kitchen, sitting on barstools.

After dinner, Joe took Jbird to his Boy Scouts meeting, while I tried to get Sugar Bear to sleep.

After rocking her, singing to her, and walking around a bit, she was out!

Overall today was a great day! I am a happy wife and mommy, and I feel so blessed!

~Milk Sharing~

Milk sharing is a term used for women who do just that.

They share their precious "liquid gold" (breast milk) with other babies who are in need.

May it be a baby who's mother is unable to breast feed, an adopted baby, or even sick babies who are in need of an immune booster, which breast milk is the best thing for.

Before looking into adoption, I had never heard of, or even given this concept any thought.

I just assumed that if a baby was unable to get breast milk, for whatever reason, that the baby would be put on formula.

I am very thankful that I was introduced to this awesome way of helping our baby be the healthiest she can be, and giving her the best start possible.

Our little Sugar Bear is almost 7 months old, adopted, and has never had an ounce of formula, and never will.

I pump twice a day, and usually get about 6-8 oz each time (see my entry on adoptive breast feeding). All of her other feedings are that of donated breast milk from generous women in our area.

We have a deep freezer FULL of it!!

These gracious women who donate, **do not ask for a dime**. They do it solely out of the kindness of their hearts.

They are feeding the same milk to their own baby, and most of them are health conscience, and have an abundant supply of milk that they would rather share then throw down the drain.

A Dr's screening is provided, if requested by the recipient, showing that the donor mother does not have any illnesses, and is healthy.

I feel very confident we are doing the right thing by giving our daughter donated breast milk. She is very healthy and happy. She has never been sick and I thank God everyday for the donation of breast milk to keep my baby healthy.

Thanks to a global organization who operates on facebook, called HM4HB (Human Milk 4 Human Babies),  women who feel the same way as my husband and I, are able to post if they are in need of milk,  or if they want to donate milk.

Its awesome!!!! I am so beyond thankful that I was introduced to this way of life for my baby girl. I have a feeling she would thank me:)

As a mother, nurse, and person who follows my instincts, I 100% feel like I am doing the right thing.

I want more women to know that this is an option for them.

~~~Breast is best, pumped milk is 2nd best, donor milk is 3rd, and lastly formula~

www.hm4hb.net/

Daddy filling up our freezer